an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize