Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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