New low: just hacked my moms facebook
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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