dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
