it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
