just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
