Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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