NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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