Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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