Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
