I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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