Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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