Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
