My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
