He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
