I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
