That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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