i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
