I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there was a trapeze. enough said
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
