I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
