She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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