I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
