yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
