he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Come share oat with me in your robe
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
