everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
