i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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