I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
