So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
