I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
