What a fucking waste of an outfit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he's single and there are thong briefs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
