you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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