Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
