bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
