I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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