call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
