I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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