You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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