Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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