if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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