Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
