You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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