..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
