hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
