We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
