Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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