you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
