I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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