Welp...herpes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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