pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
