Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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