Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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