i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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