i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
