babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
