planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
