no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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