I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
