Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
