If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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