I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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