The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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