someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
