I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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