i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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