you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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