people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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