I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
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