I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
