your room smells of hookers.
And success
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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