hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
