Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
