you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize