Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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