did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
